School of Movies

The Fast and the Furious 1 - 4

[Digital Drift 2015]

We’re joined by Neil Taylor of GameBurst to get to grips with one of his very favourite series. When we recorded this first show we hadn’t yet seen 5 or 6 (Sharon hadn’t seen 3 or 4 either) so it’s something of a discovery process for us. Find out over the course of the next few episodes if we’re just middling on the car porn, jiggling auto-floozies and machismo-masking-vulnerability or in fact if we end up flippin’ LOVING The Fast and the Furious.

Continuing our road trip through the F&F series, we get to the detour away from the main cast that was initially shunned by audiences but in retrospect is rather great as a stand-alone movie. We move on to the return to the main cast that was initially embraced by audiences but in retrospect is dour and uneventful. Find out what drifting REALLY means.

Guest:

Neil Taylor of TheKidDogg

The Twilight Saga

[Digital Drift 2015]

Sharon and I dived in attempting to review these in a vacuum. Those who hate the movies may hate this podcast because we’re rather kind and enthusiastic. Those that love them will hate this podcast because we call them on the rubbish, the weaker elements and the more troubling aspects (especially in the two-part finale of Breaking Dawn). 

Two things are for sure. 1. This is not a great model for any kind of romantic relationship. 2. That dingo's got your baby!

Transformers: Age of Extinction & The Last Knight

[Digital Drift 2014]

0m: The Transformers road trip has lost all but one lone, solitary truck, powering on through a new leg of what may be a never-ending journey. Yes folks, I did end up going to see Transformers 4, and on this show, Sharon asks me all about my experience. Is this a new lease of life for the series? A soft reboot, ditching the former human cast members in favour of all-new ones and setting aside awkward frat comedy for the dilemma of a struggling family. [Sounds great.] Still written by Ehren Kruger and now starring Mark Wahlberg [Oh Jesus Christ!]. The autobots are now a hunted, endangered species, thanks to their heroic genocide of their own people in the last movie, done in the name of protecting us humans, with our interminable capacity for greatness. Plus it has the dinobots [No it doesn’t]. And Optimus is seriously suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [Nobody ever mentions it]. Is this better or worse than the first three? Find out right now. 

I do something with Michael Bay halfway through that will surprise you. 

1h 38m: Several years later, I came back to talk about Bay's dismal fifth instalment, which actually on reflection is probably the best. Certainly the least gross and toxic. I don't have a stupidometer though, and it would bury teh needle five times anyway. Years later we would get the ray of sunshine that was Bumblebee. Definitely make sure you listen to that show. 

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen & Dark of the Moon

[Digital Drift 2014]

0m: Our road trip with the autobots continues. We hit a bumpy road as the writer’s strike of 2007 looms. Fortunately this movie proved that you apparently don’t even NEED writers and that a triple-A blockbuster action movie could be sloppily thrown together without discernible structure or coherence and still rake in more than its predecessor. Just cast your eyes over the image I’ve used for this week’s podcast. Ask yourself “A: What the hell were they thinking? and B: Why did everybody let them get away with it?” And that character and his brother are just two of the issues that slaughter any enjoyment and engagement you might have felt. This is not a movie for watching, it’s a movie for laying down and avoiding. It’s a terrible experience from beginning to end. Even fans of the original tend to dislike this one. However we’re out to establish WHY it’s so awful.

1h 4m: Our road trip with the autobots veers off the beaten track and onto a superhighway full of exploding guns and alien car invasion. In a series defined by its crapulence this may actually be its lowest point. Billed by some as a return to form on its release in 2011, which prompted the question from others; “What form?” and from still others “What form will our destructor take?” We’ll tell you what form in this very podcast. If we sounded like we were in pain on the last episode we can assure you it was just the preliminary wave of agony. This one actually made my heart hurt as well as my brain. 

As for plot? The moon landing in 1969 was in fact a secret plot to find a thing and… weird, CGI Kennedy face. I can’t even carry on beyond that first minute. Spock is in this. A robot Spock. A robot Spock that actually manageress to defile and spin on its axis one of the greatest lines and greatest sentiments of one of the greatest sci fi movements of all time. Optimus is not only laid low in this, he is in fact unwittingly depicted as John Rambo in First Blood, only in a context far closer to Rambo III. His obvious post-traumatic stress disorder sidelined and ignored in favour of robot carnage and the American flag. A violent juxtaposition of lost themes and soulless jingoism. It would be churlish to call this film “Evil”, it would also fall somewhat short of the mark in describing what a blight upon the world it is. 

Guests:

Neil Taylor of TheKidDogg

Mike Hearn of Walter the Wicked

Planet of the Apes 1- 5

[Digital Drift 2014]

1968: Planet of the Apes
1970: Beneath the Planet of the Apes
1971: Escape from the Planet of the Apes
1972: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
1973: Battle for the Planet of the Apes

For newcomers to the series, all eight movies of which will be reviewed over the coming weeks here is a brief breakdown of events. 

1. Universe A: The first five Planet of the Apes movies spanning the period between 1968 and 1973. Planet of the Apes / Beneath the Planet of the Apes / Escape from the Planet of the Apes / Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and Battle for the Planet of the Apes. You can also include the short-lived live action TV show, comics and animated series in this period (although we won’t be reviewing these that doesn’t mean you guys can’t talk about them at length on the forum).

2. Universe B: The 2001 Tim Burton directed re-imagining of the original movie.

3. Universe C: Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. This originally started out as both a reboot and an alternate prequel to the original movie (as well as loose remakes of Conquest and Battle for the Planet of the Apes) but has now clearly branched into its own universe where events played out differently to the history laid down in the initial quintet of movies. 

For these first ones send your mind back in time to the late sixties to a time when men were men, teenagers were hippies, war was a very immediate topic, women were saying scary things about equality and civil rights were being challenged left, right and center. We were experimental in our approach, having only ever seen the first of the original five before and reviewing each movie in turn after viewing for the first time. That way you get our immediate reactions. We pull no punches and judge the film as far as it holds up today, before moving onto its grotty, rushed and unintentionally hilarious sequel.

Escape turned out to be a 70s flavoured political thriller, not unlike a small scale Winter Soldier which we watched around the same time. It also had the most heart of the five. Conquest is a film that Rise ended up being patterned after, with a harsh undercurrent of slavery and revolution at its core and a hastily rewritten ending. Then the series went from a place of strength to wobbly, embarrassing, confused, and laughably mismanaged as it farted out of existence with Battle for the Planet of the Apes, which bears the unmistakable signs of the crazy mutants of the rushed second movie; Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Kim Hunter and Roddy McDowall remain the standout stars of these three and what they manage with the basic ape masks is genuinely impressive. Hopefully our disgust at Battle won’t dissuade some of you from digging into Ape history with the others.  

X-Men: The Last Stand & X-Men Origins: Wolverine

[Digital Drift 2014]

0m: This is the worst. The very worst onscreen incarnation of the X-Men, and not simply because it screwed up the Dark Phoenix saga in a way that will take many years to remedy. It is in point of fact abundantly clear on investigation that meddling Fox executives combined with a creative team who seemingly didn’t care what occurred onscreen or what state they left the series in once the enforced release date was reached created the perfect Storm to send a potentially accomplished franchise hurtling into the doldrums. It’s one of the few movies that actively required erasing from existence to correct the horrendousness that it entailed. But allow us to elaborate on these points. We promise that even if you disagree with our impassioned rantings that you’ll be entertained. 

1h 13m: I never thought I’d find myself defending this film. In actuality we’re not, we’re just saying it’s not the worst X-Men movie and stating the few reasons why it’s not entirely awful. Don’t get us wrong, it’s a stinker nonetheless. Tedious action, lame mutants, barely characterized beyond their powers (again), CGI claws that never fail to distract, stupid script riven with plot holes, ruined fan favourites Deadpool and Gambit, balsa wood performances and most of the cast seem like they’re having a thoroughly terrible time. Worst of all this mishandled not one but two key Wolverine stories. Weapon X and Origin, in a way that means there’s no point attempting them again, so sour will the taste of this remain. It very nearly killed the already flat-lining X-Men series. But we’re the best we are at what we do and what we do ain’t pretty, so we also highlight the few stronger points that make it not quite as complete a failure as everyone remembers. The pinpricks of light in the darkness. Enjoy… Bub.

X-Men & X2: Mutants United

[Digital Drift 2014]

0m: Looking back on the 2000 original it is both extremely important in legitimising the real life comic superhero movie for modern times and increasingly a relic of a bygone age when this sort of thing was considered a flaky risk and where low budgets, self-conscious cast members, dismal costumes, short running times and pedestrian action sequences were acceptable. That being said there are also some excellent performances within, especially Stewart, McKellen and the breakout star, Huge Action. Had this been a mishandled flop, the course of the Marvel movie might have been very different. Then again, Spider-Man was already in production and it’s possible a reboot would have changed the course of the X-Men in movies, one that has instead sailed on for fourteen years and off into the future.

2h: This is one of the all-time fan-favourite X-Men films, following up on the promise of the slight original with far more detail, exciting action, grander scale and emotional wallop. We give it a ton of credit for its strong points which expand the world and further legitimizes the mutant conflict. However this movie also contains two of the most series-breaking scenarios at its climax. Everybody was having too much fun at the cinema to notice at the time and nobody ever mentions this, but we’re going to… X2 pretty much destroys the characters of both Charles and Erik in a way that is only remedied in First Class eight years later. Overall it’s still a very strong entry in the series and far above the dregs of The Last Stand and Origins, but there are character and narrative inconsistencies that need to be taken into account.

Fan Response

[Digital Gonzo 2013]

This episode, originally published in September 2013 I invited on Bob Chipman, AKA MovieBob along with Daniel Floyd and Leelee Scalaferri of Extra Credits to talk about the age old scenario of fans flipping their lids when something they love is perceived as being meddled with. With the ascent of Twitter and Facebook, forums, comments sections and YouTube we have more opportunities than ever before to voice our discontent, and voice it we have in ways often so hostile and illegible that some sections of the internet appear to be transcripts of the death-screeching of broken killer robots with electronic Tourette's syndrome. 

Among other specific instances we cover Anita Sarkeesian of Feminist frequency, The Xbox One, Batfleck, Phil Fish, Grand Theft Auto V, Devil May Cry, Mass Effect 3, Green Lantern, The Star Wars Special Editions and Fifty Shades of Grey. The aim was not to be wholly objective and detached and there is a lot of opinion being flung back and forth during this crackling debate with four vibrant personalities all vying for the mic, but we do try our best to be fair.  

To illustrate the many facets of this immense debate I have employed audio segments from some of the best and brightest.

With Great Power [Bob Chipman: The Big Picture] 
Crass Effect [Bob Chimpan: Game Overthinker] 
Rebecca Black [Charlie Brooker: 10 O’ Clock Live] 
Anita Sarkeesian: The Monster Gamers Created [Jim Sterling: Jimquisition] 
Harassment [Daniel Floyd & James Portnow: Extra Credits] 
GTA V Review Revulsion [Johnny Chiodini: GameSpot - Feedbackula] 
Guide to Comments [Vi Hart] 
A Day at the Park [Kiriakakis: Mused]

Bob, Dan and Leelee have made hundreds of video presentations between them and their recommendations if you're newcomers are the following.

Extra Credits [Of Penny Arcade TV]

• Call of Juarez: The Cartel
• A Little Bit of Yesterday
• Art is not the Opposite of Fun

Moviebob

• The Big Picture - Skin Game
• Game Overthinker - Never Grow Old

Music on the show played by Lindsey Stirling

• Crystallize 
• Elements
• Electric Daisy Violin

Of course there wasn't time to discuss a bunch of well known examples, including the Derpy Hooves debacle but we do want this show to spark debate on ways for the more considerate side of the internet to gain more of a vocal share of the general discussion, which often seems to be dominated by the enraged and abusive.

Batman: The Killing Joke [Audio Drama]

[Digital Gonzo 2013]

This is an audio drama adaptation of The Killing Joke: written by Alan Moore, and originally illustrated by Brian Bolland for DC comics in 1988.

This show is dedicated to Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy, two of my all-time heroes. Their inspirational work is a key reason why I love Batman so much, and their immense talent as voice-over artists is what made me want to produce performance pieces like this. All credit to Alan Moore for his excellent writing. The few minor changes I made were to facilitate the audio format. Also artist Brian Bolland.

If you enjoyed this, do please check out Batman: Breakdown, which is an original story written by myself and rendered into an accompanying audio drama. You can find it on this podcast feed or on YouTube. As a bonus for newcomers I've included the first six minutes of Breakdown to act as a taster at the close of this production.

If you like my work on this you should check out my original audio drama, The New Century Multiverse, the previous stories are available in audiobook form on Bandcamp with new episodes released as a weekly podcast. 

A huge thank you to my cast, without whom, this would be a considerably less vibrant production.

Cast (in order of appearance) 

JOKER/JACK – Alex Shaw
KILLER CROC/TWO-FACE – Alex Shaw
BATMAN – Alex Shaw
FRIGHTENED INMATE #2 – Matt Whetter
JIM GORDON – Matt Ramsey
GUARD BILL – Jerome McIntosh
BOB BONUS – Daniel Floyd
JEANNIE – Sharon Shaw
BATCOMPUTER – Tara Nelson
ALFRED PENNYWORTH – Matt Ramsey
BARBARA GORDON – Laureta Sela
GANGSTER JOE – Lorin Grieve
GANGSTER JAKE – Alex Spencer
DOCTOR – Joshua Garrity
HARVEY BULLOCK – Daniel Floyd
CIRCUS FREAKS – Matt Whetter
DETECTIVE MOORE – James Batchelor
OFICER BOLLAND – Nama Chibitty
DON SENIOR – Matt Whetter
ROB SENIOR – Andres Rodriguez
GAMBOL – Aquila Edwards
OSWALD COBBLEPOT – Matt Whetter
STREET GIRL – Sharon Shaw
SECURITY GUARD JUDD – James Batchelor
SECURITY GUARD MURPHEY – Nama Chibitty
CREDITS - Giles Thomas

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

[Digital Gonzo 2013]

In the 80’s while all the boys were watching Transformers and obligingly buying the toys Hasbro were also targeting girls with a similarly multimedia manipulative marketing campaign to sell them pretty, plastic ponies.

Twenty five years and three terrible Michael Bay movies later and the boys, now grown up are feeling pretty dismal about the once awesome mythos they loved. However after many years of quiet My Little Pony resurfaced in 2010 and to the surprise of everyone turned out to be not bad at all. Really rather great in fact. Well written with lovable characters and amusing dialogue.

In an unusual turn of events it picked up a following of male viewers. Dubbed ‘Bronies’ these men, young and old have a tough battle trying to make their case for why they aren’t twisted child molesters. This podcast is about the show, the fans and why it’s become beloved. My remit is to examine it with varying levels of perspective and delve in rather than making fun of it as outsiders or being overly defensive fanboys.

My two specialists are Daniel Floyd of Extra Credits and Connor Milford, Zephyr Lite in the Gonzo community. It’s very much a podcast aimed at people who know nothing about Friendship is Magic so if you’re curious, this is the Pony investigation for you.